The Philosophy of Moving

文/申雁冰

by Laura Shen

又一次要迁徙。每1-2年会迁徙一次，去到新的城市或国家。迁徙的人，大致有两種：一种是无论环境怎么改变，唯我不变，可以说他本分，也可以说他顽固不化；另一种是随环境的变化而变化，可以说他适应性强，也可以说他随波逐流。关于前者，有的人虽然去过很多地方，有很多国家的生存经验，可是骨子里永远变不了中国味，玩的是中国人的圈子，用的是中国的淘宝京东，看的是中国网剧，乃至思想愈加保守顽固，显得与周遭格格不入，不理解这种高代价的迁徙出走对其有何意义。比如今日在北美的小留学生群体，圈子基本板结，国内人情的恩怨牵扯，继续在国外上演，前段时间热炒的留美中国女生对同胞霸凌事件，就是例子。也有令人佩服的坚守自我的人，比如老华侨，许多已在中国消失的传统文化，却在海外华人社会保留得非常好。是这些固守自我的人，把文化精华完整得留在了海外，国内反而因为时间与历史变迁而凋零。在马来西亚，许多广东的古法粤菜、家具、民居设计，都能找得到，仿佛原封不动的19、20世纪初的原貌，可在广东却失传了。关于后者，有可以迅速融入环境、和周围打成一片的人，他们对学习对方的语言抱有热情，主动适应新文化并享受乐趣，比如那种真心喜欢探索中国和喜爱东方文化的外国人，或者融入西方主流社会的华人，有勇气去正视和突破自身文化局限，在新天地开辟属于自己的路。但另一方面，就有过度适应而失去自我的人，所谓“崇洋媚外”，小到个人际遇，大到家国政治。

I move to new place every 1-2 years. There are two types of transients, the ones who maintain themselves and keep dissociated from receiving place, or the ones who proactively adjust to new circumstances. People of the former type could be genuine, or stubborn, while the latter could become flexible, or greasy. Someone may have been to many places, while can never change their truest selves, they copy and paste their old habits wherever they are, or even keep conservative and detached from the new destination. A good example is the closed circle of junior Chinese students in North America, the case of 3 Chinese teenagers bullying ruthlessly their peers in school and being sentenced in jail in United States has reminded us how serious moving abroad is. But it is also the ones who firmly keep themselves have saved our precious roots, such as those senior overseas Chinese, they maintained many important traditions China has lost today. In Malaysia, we can find many traditional Cantonese cooking, furniture, architectures that are missed in Guangdong today. There are people who can well adjust themselves to the new environment and build their own heaven, they are brave to overcome the established limits and learn from others, on the other hand, there are the ones who are "over adaptive" and lose themselves, forgetting who they are.

迁徙，就是在身份之间不断挣扎。适应还是抗拒，融入还是坚持自我？好像，适应也不是，不适应也不是；坚守不是，不坚守也不是，无论怎么选择，都是错的。迁徙，不是在对与错中选择，而是在几个既定的错误选项中选择，选择那个你可以接受的错误选项，然后走下去。一旦迁徙，就被迫面临身份的牵扯，这种牵扯与错误将陪伴一生。

Moving is a struggle between identities. Shall we adjust and choose to integrate ourselves?Or shall we resist integration and keep who we are? It seems every option is wrong, whatever adjust or stand fast. Moving is not a choice between right or wrong, but a choice among several wrong options, you choose the one you can accept, and go ahead. Once we move, we are forced to survive between identities, it is a lifelong struggle and survival.

迁徙最大的益处，就是让人知道，生活还有哪些可能性。你会知道，另外一种生活是什么样子，生命还可以有哪些可能。当对现在的生活不知所措，感到迷惑不解的时候，可以有其他的参考，让自己知道不只有一条路。

The benefits of moving is the indefinite possibilities, it provides an alternative and lets us know what "Otherwise" means. Moving is a good reference book, informing us there is not only one route.

我们最害怕的是“失去”，那种“不在场感”令人恐惧。有一个关于移民的理论叫“push and pull”：push就是当前的所在地，是否有一种推动力，把你从这个地方推出去，让你急于想离开这个地方；pull是目的地，是否具有一种牵引力，吸引你离开现在所处的地方，千里迢迢奔赴到新地方。推动力和牵引力，都不可少。有的人拥有push的力量，比如对现实不满，想要逃离这种现状，但是并没有一个pull，没有可以接纳其的新地方，所谓找不到下家，所以即使对现状不满，为了生存也只能坚持。有的人拥有pull，一个吸引人的新机会、新环境，但是现状并不差，对现状还算满意，于是也就不会选择改变环境。而我在想，除了push和pull外，还有一个因素，就是will，就是怀有个人愿望、有想法、有一颗愿意改变也能够适应改变的心。牵引力不是理所当然，只能靠自己去寻找和争取。生活中有太多对现状不满的人，抱怨很多，却从未看到其对改变现状所做出的行动和努力，有埋怨而无行动。而即使牵引力理所当然的来临时，如果一个人没有足够的野心和思维去看得到其中的价值，而是安于现状，觉得目前的状况很舒服很安逸，不想去改变，那么即使有了pull，也是没有意义。因为根本上，人都渴望熟悉的事物，与现状相处久了，就会形成一种依赖和惯性，无论你对现状是不满还是满足，都会对其形成依恋，人会本能的拒绝改变，希望保持现状。因为一个改变，可能带来更好，也可能带来更差。这就像是一场零和博弈的游戏，当一个更好和一个更差的可能摆在面前时，人的本能会选择放弃，放弃任何可能而选择保持现状，因为人不敢承担更差的结果，所以不惜牺牲更好的可能，来避免更坏的可能。于是我们看到一个神奇的，但是再普遍不过的情景：许多人明明可以过上很棒的生活，却依旧坚持过差劲的生活，因为他们害怕会活得更差。

But what we are most fearful is the sense of "losing", it is horrible to be absent. "Push and Pull" is the common theory for migration. Push is from the original place, it pushes people to leave it, and Pull is from the receiving place, it attracts people to arrive there at whatever cost. Both are inevitable for moving. Some of us hold a push, that we are unsatisfied with the present and eager to get rid of it, but we lacks a Pull, there is no place to receive us, thus we insist on reluctantly, even though it is unhappy. While sometimes we get a good Pull from a charming new opportunity, but we are satisfied with the current and don't want to bother a change. Besides Push and Pull, I believe there is another factor: the Will, the desire and capacity for change. A pull is to be traced, not for granted. It is easy to complain, but hard to take action. And even a good Pull has come, it is nonsense for a man who does not hold ambition,  can't find its meaning, and wishes to keep status quo. Fundamentally, humans are inclined for familiarity, they are dependent on status quo, whether satisfying or not. It is our instinct to refuse changing, because a change could bring better, or worse. It is a zero-sum game. When gambling on better or worse, we would rather give up any possibilities and maintain the same, because we fear for the worse, we even would like to avoid the worse at the cost of losing the better. It is wired but common that many people deserve a better life, but they insist on keeping the status quo, because they are afraid of getting worse.

近日看了《布鲁克林》这部电影。它告诉我们，对于迁徙的移民而言，最疼痛的不是苦，而是甜，不是折磨人的苦楚，而是尝到的甜头。女主角在纽约是在吃苦中不断进步，而在回到爱尔兰老家后，就是在享福尝甜头中不断退步，是温水中的青蛙，有一天会被甜死。正是在纽约的吃苦中所锻炼的技能与成长，才让她回乡探亲时能够有衣锦还乡的体面。这种衣锦还乡的舒适是一种假象，直到那个刻薄老太太尖酸的揭露，才令人得知逼戾的真相。这个貌似心安的地方，其实潜伏着深深的危险，而纽约那个令人不安的地方，才是让她心安的第二故乡。

The movie Brooklyn reminds us that the most suffering part of migration is the not the pains, but the sweetness. The heroin keeps growing through tough challenges in New York, but in Ireland hometown she is degenerating through sweets. It is owning to the skills and progress she got through pains in New York that made her shine in hometown. This fake comfort is torn by her previous boss who meanly uncovered the truths she wants to hide. Until then she finally discovers the deep danger underneath security and realizes the uneasy new land is her real home now.

在面对多个选择，鱼与熊掌不可兼得的时候，人会陷入选择性焦虑。无论选哪一个，好像都无法让自己满意，因为每做出一个选择，就意味着放弃了另一个选择所带来的好处。所以总是忍不住比较，当你已经做出选择之后，尤其是遇到苦难挫折的时候，就会忍不住想，我曾经如何如何，要是当初选了另一个，就好了，就不会如何如何。我们常常想着放弃了一个选择所带来的好处，但也应记得，其实也避免了其带来的坏处，而享受了当下选择带来的益处，但同时，就有责任承担相应的后果。

People are anxious in front of choices, and will never be satisfied with whichever choice, because every choice is at the cost of giving up the benefits from the choice otherwise. We cannot help comparing, especially when we are are forced to face the setbacks from our choice, we cannot help thinking of "IF", what would we otherwise be? But I want emphasize the other side of the story, that we have enjoyed the goods from our choice as well as avoiding the bad otherwise, we are responsible for any result.

所以，没有对错，只有选择。敢于去选择，敢于做出改变的人，无论成败与否，都值得尊重，因为我们大多数人，是不敢做出改变，宁愿自动放弃选择的人。

There exists neither right nor wrong, there is only choice. Those who dare to choose and change are adorable, because most of us dare not to change, and would rather give up choices.

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Abbey Laura San is a creative writer on city, architecture, contemporary art and society of Asia. She reflects on how to improve life quality through aesthetic, literary, and philosophical way. http://abbeylaurasan.strikingly.com/